


I Want To See You Before You Go

by 520Cenz



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 22:23:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12177675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/520Cenz/pseuds/520Cenz
Summary: Who knew it was possible to love two people so much?





	I Want To See You Before You Go

He knew it'd be hard- hard on them both, easily. He had already accepted it on his end, but as he begrudgingly climbed the stairs of the therapeutic clinic he began to wonder if Roy had done the same. Had he remembered Ed was leaving at all?

Between treating his own injuries and arm, taking care of Al, and their time spent as a whole group, their moments alone were far and few. Memorable, but it didn't feel like enough for as much time as he had. Edward had dropped it on Roy that he was frustrated- having to hide everything they were doing meant less and less time they had to actually spend together.

Roy agreed. Nothing changed.

Now, standing in front of his temporary room, Edward hesitated to enter. He could hear voices inside- Hawkeye. His heart sank into his stomach and he sighed.

He was no better.

Edward allowed himself into the room without warning and smiled at Hawkeye, who stopped her tale mid-sentence to greet him. Putting on a show, he made faces at Roy- even though he couldn't see them- and Hawkeye had only half-chided him.

"Hey, Riz."

Hawkeye turned in her seat and looked up at Edward.

"Could Roy and I chat alone for a moment? While?"

Riza gave him a perplexed expression- not at his request, but rather at his use of Roy's first name in a tone anything but the usual snarky or sarcastic.

"No problem, Edward, I'll go get some lunch with the others- assuming you want me to distract them as well?"

"Please." Edward smiled sweetly as she pat Roy on the shoulder and made her exit, then waited.

"She gone?"

"Yep." Edward nodded, adjusting the bag on his shoulder. Roy relaxed into his seat and exhaled, slouching with his legs out. "You seem stressed." Edward noted mechanically. Roy tilted his head and sighed again.

"I could tell you were outside my door. I didn't want Riza to say anything that could..."

Edward raised his hand and somehow Roy knew to stop talking. "It's fine, Roy. I know what I signed up for."

"It doesn't feel fair."

Edward didn't respond to that one and Roy adjusted himself.

"You have a bag."

"How could you know that?" Edward pouted.

"I don't," Roy glanced in his general direction, "but today's the day."

Edward dropped his head and sighed, nodding.

"You know I wouldn't forget, so don't say I never remembered anything." Roy took Ed's silence as an invitation to continue. "At least we're alone."

Edward smiled behind his hair. "Yeah, we got that much."

Edward dropped his bag before dropping himself into the chair, stretching his legs out and resting his hands on his chest.

Roy was a little tense, Edward could tell. He wanted to ask something.

"Should we.."

"Someone could walk in." Edward reminded him quietly. "We're never REALLY alone."

Roy smiled sadly. "Just a lil' one, then?"

Edward eyed him for a moment then stood up, taking the two steps to reach Roy and leaned down, pressing a light kiss to the other man's lips. This didn't seem to be enough for Roy though as he tangled his fingers into Ed's tied-up hair and brought him back in, kissing him with more force.

Edward didn't fight it.

He did, however, chastise him as he pulled away.

"Sit in front of my chair." Roy requested with a smile. "Like we usually do."

Edward didn't fight this either, as he quite enjoyed this ritual. He did as he was told and sat down on the floor in front of Roy. Almost expertly with record timing his hair was out of it's band and he sighed, feeling Roy run his fingers through it.

"What happened to someone might see?" Roy asked playfully.

"Fuck it." Edward quipped. "I fucking love it when you do this."

Suddenly Roy's hand was fisted in his hair and his head was tilted back.

"Language." Roy teased, smirking down at Ed.

"Bastard." Edward's face was as red as his old coat. He allowed Roy to tilt his head forward once more and it was silent again. They sat like that for a while longer before Edward turned his head just slightly to his left.

"Do you think...this was okay?"

Roy tilted his head. "Elaborate."

"I love Winry." He said quickly. "You love Riza. Is- are we...hurting them?"

"They don't know." Roy assured, planning his next step carefully. This conversation was a ticking time bomb and honestly, he was walking around landmines. Edward was, as usual, much more concerned for the wellfare of others rather than himself, but he'd be damned if his own feelings weren't a factor. "Besides, nothing is official. You're not with Winry, and I'm not with Riza. Right now...I'm with you."

Edward turned his head forward again and leaned down. "Today is it, though. As soon as I leave...it's over- whatever it- this, is."

Roy nodded slowly- he couldn't deny nor sugar coat that one. "What would you call this, Edward?"

"Honestly...Roy, are we doing the right thing?" Edward avoided the question. "After this it just- goes back to normal. Happy go lucky fucking normal- but it won't be normal, because- for fuck's sake, I love Winry, and I love-..."

Roy placed his hands on Ed's shoulders.

"How is it possible to love two people this much.."

Roy contemplated this for a moment. "Keep going."

Edward glared at the pristine tiles below him. "Winry and Riza will never know about this- but you- how am I supposed to hurt you like this and then be okay later?"

Roy sighed.

"It's never going to be normal, Roy."

"I admit-" Roy began, "that, yes, this will hurt. I've accepted it. I'm slowly accepting that I'm hurting you as well...but...as...'giddy' as the thought of us getting married and being domestic makes me...it's not realistic."

"I know that!" Edward barked.

There was the first landmine.

"I'm going to leave here today and I'll see Winry, and I'll have the same fucking emotions for her as I've been showing you these past few months- you're going to leave here and have some secret fucking relationship with Riza. One day we're going to cross paths again- and it's...it's going to feel...weird, and uncomfortable, and maybe even hurt more and I'm not sure I could do that."

"Well, seeing your ex-boyfriend with their new partner would always be awkward, no matter the situation." Roy humored, but Ed only glanced back with a glare.

"Is that what this is? You're my boyfriend?"

"So to speak."

Edward looked away then turned back around, checking the time. "I have go get Al, soon. I've got maybe 10 more minutes."

"Enough time for a qui-"

"No."

Roy laughed, leaning down and wrapping his arms around Edward. "Fair enough. Last time was enough, I suppose. You're very vocal."

Edward's face was red as hell again and he brought his hands up to hide it. "Oh my god shut up, I don't need a recap."

"How about a replay?"

Edward slapped Roy's leg and Roy laughed heartily again. "I'm only teasing, love."

Pet names weren't supposed to hurt, Edward decided, but it did, and he accepted it, because months ago he knew- he knew it would hurt at some point, they had agreed, signed that verbal contract, and...let it be. Let it be whatever they wanted it to be in that moment. Hiding behind curtains and closed doors and little passing touches- quick, knowing glances and the normal teasing. The anticipation of the last person leaving the room and leaving them alone before things felt...nice. Comfortable. Exchanging pet names and mushy fucking feelings that Edward hadn't the audacity to even dream of.

From the get-go, Roy was something Edward hadn't imagined him obtaining, even if just for a short period of time.

Edward stood up and sighed, running his hand through Roy's hair. He fixed his own back into it's high tail and turned towards the other man.

"What do I do now?"

Roy pursed his lips. "You mean before you go?"

Edward swallowed hard. "What is this goodbye supposed to be like?"

Roy stood up, careful with his footing. "'See ya later, Bastard' is what I'm used to hearing. I wouldn't object to it this time."

Edward rolled his eyes. He scooped his bag up off the floor and slung it over his shoulder, marching over to Roy and staring him in the eyes- geez, he was nearly tall enough to BE eye to eye, now. Still a few inches shorter, but he definitely wasn't, by any definition, small. Roy couldn't see this, but he could feel it, imagine it, as he raised his hand to Edward's head and gave it a pat before using it as a tool of measurement. 

"You've definitely gotten taller. Still not tall. But taller."

Edward bit the inside of his cheek and closed his eyes, smiling. "There it is."

Roy chuckled and wrapped his arms around Edward's shoulders, who returned the hug around Roy's waist. He laid his head against Roy's chest and sighed, taking it all in for...the last time. What it was going to be like when they met again, with their new lives....he couldn't possibly know. Would the feelings still be there? Were they going to fade? If they didn't, it's not like they could act on them at all- there'd be this weird, fucking sexual tension they'd have to toss out the window to hopefully never see again. 

Roy surprised Edward with a sudden kiss to the top of his head and smile. "You'll be fine. We'll both be fine. Don't overthink it."

Edward stared up at him and sighed shakily, nodding. He turned to leave but before he could, Roy's hand grabbed his arm and stopped him before he was enveloped again.

"Thought you were ready to let me go?" Edward laughed quietly, glancing back.

"I am. I think." Roy pondered it for a moment. "I'm not. I..You can't wait another week?"

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Hah? Alphonse is already upset I made one delay- he wanted to go back to Resembool as soon as he was given the clear. If I postpone it again he'll kick my ass."

"He can't kick your ass."

"Not yet- give him a few more months. He'll remember it."

Roy swallowed and squeezed Edward tighter. "Marco said it should be next week when we can start working on my eyes. I want...I want to see you before you go."

Edward froze and- gate, he could have sworn his breath had stopped too. He slumped his shoulders and finally exhaled after a moment, then turned to face Roy.

Fucking hell, Roy was crying.

"You asshole." Edward took Roy's hand in his own, recently restored right hand and entwined their fingers. "I wish you could too, honestly, but- hey, c'mon, feel my hand."

"It's shaking."

Edward pouted. "That's not what I meant."

"...it's real."

"Yeah." Edward squeezed tighter. "Like all of this was- and maybe instead of remembering what my now disgusting, tear covered red face looks like, just remember what it was like to hold my hand, alright?" He placed his forehead against Roy's lips, earning a kiss. "Besides, 's not the last time you'll ever see me."

Roy smiled into Edward's hair. "That is true."

Edward gave Roy a final kiss before finally backing away and heading to the door. Before he left he stopped, looking back. 

"See ya later, Bastard."

Roy smiled.

"Sure thing, Fullmetal."

Edward bounced down the stairs and swung into Al's room, who was waiting not so patiently for his older brother.

"Geez, there you are! We could be late!" Alphonse was about to pick his bag up but Edward beat him to it, slinging it over his free shoulder. "Hey-"

"Car. Go." Edward ordered, motioning his head towards the door. "Breda's waiting out front. Don't wanna miss the train, right?"

Alphonse couldn't contain his smile, depsite his mild annoyance and nodded, making his way past Edward and out the door. Edward glanced back at Al's room one last time- a quick sweep to make sure they didn't forget anything, and then he was out.

Breda greeted them with a wave as they approached the car and he opened the door for Alphonse, making sure he was well situated before closing it. Edward tossed their bags into the backseat with Al then joined Breda in the front. "Coulda made me wait any longer?"

Edward rolled his eyes, smirking. "Hey, I'll take another day here- I don't think Alphonse could though. He's practically vibrating in his seat back there."  
"Brother-"

"Dummy can't contain his excitement."

"Well imagine Winry's face when she sees us!" 

Edward looked back at Al before shifting his eyes to the side. "Yeah, she'll be ecstatic to see you- she might be mad I lost her automail, though."

"Give yourself some credit, Major." Breda remarked, returning the smirk. "She's gonna be...excited to see you."

Edward's face went flush and turned forward in his seat, adjusting his seatbelt. "Good lord, not in front of Alphonse!"

Their ride was short, but still too far for Al to walk in his state- Edward told him if he let Breda drive them there, he could walk his own ass back to Winry's from the station. A done deal, Alphonse had given in easily. As Edward was grabbing their bags from the back and Breda assisted Al out of the car, he made an 'oh' noise and rummaged through his pockets.

Edward was suddenly accosted as Breda shoved a small envelope into Edward's hands. "Mustang wanted me to pass this along. Guess he's too prideful to say all the sappy goodbye stuff to your face."

"You'd be surprised." Edward stuffed the envelope into his hoodie pocket, then fished his own and handed Breda a folded up piece of paper. " For Mustang. Thanks for the lift. We'll let you all know when we reach Resembool, alright?"

"Good shit. See ya 'round." Breda gave a half-assed wave as he got back into the driver's seat.

"Bye, Breda!" Alphonse waved with his free hand, then pulled Edward along. "I can see the train, c'mon!"

 

After they were situated and the train began moving, Edward couldn't contain his curiosity anymore and opened the envelope- luckily, he was sitting opposite of Al, so his brother couldn't see the contents.

"What'd he say?" Al asked curiously, and Edward held up a finger, reading the back of the image while using the envelope to hide it from Al.

It was indeed a photo- of them, when they thought they were alone. Napping together on one of the couches in Roy's temporary room. On the back, Roy had written a short explanation.

"Guess someone found out. Havoc promised to keep it from Hawkeye- but that didn't stop him from making 10 copies of this photo."

Edward smiled, a puff of air left his nostrils in some half-attempt to laugh.

"Nothing too important." He read over the separate note included and bit the inside of his cheek, shaking his head.

"What?" Alphonse leaned forward, eager to see. "You look upset- was he that mean about it?"

"Something like that." Edward replied, smiling. He put the contents back into the envelope and returned it to his pocket. "What a nasty man."

Alphonse stared at his brother for a moment then sat back, trying to hide his grin. He knew his brother long enough- he could definitely read the undertone in his last remark. Besides, sitting awake all night gave him a chance to hear his brother talk in his sleep.

"You guys are so gross."

Edward pouted for what felt like the billionth time that day. "Did Havoc seriously tell you?"

"No, you're just obvious. And a sleep talker."

"God damn it." Edward crossed his arms, staring out the window.

Alphonse leaned forward again, smiling. "It's alright, y'know."

Edward's eyes shifted towards his brother.

"I understand the situation better than you think. You're easy enough for me to read. I won't tell Winry..or anyone for that matter."

Edward relaxed and sighed, scratching the back of his head. "This whole love bullshit's too complicated."

"Well, we weren't really given a chance to ever explore it, so we're basically learning from scratch at this point."

Edward groaned and leaned back, stretching his legs out.

"So." Alphonse grinned. "Can I see the photo?"

"No fucking way."

"C'mon!"

"No! Not yet. Let me pass this fucking panic attack you gave me then maybe we'll talk."

"Hah, sorry brother."

 

He was right. Seeing Winry for the first time in a while- it was just as he imagined. The moment they were alone he just...held her. Breathed her in- she the same. There was an unspoken contract they signed, and then they just...let it be. Let it be whatever they wanted it to be in that moment. Hiding behind curtains and closed doors and little passing touches- quick, knowing glances and occasional teasing. The anticipation of the last person leaving the room and leaving them alone before things felt...nice. Comfortable. Exchanging pet names and mushy fucking feelings that Edward hadn't the audacity to even dream of.

He was glad, actually. He had expected to be ridden with guilt and anxiety but he was happy. The idea- the proof alone that he could share his feelings with both her and Roy and have everything just feel right was...amazing to him. There was still the lingering reminder in his head that...he wouldn't be able to share that love with Roy anymore...but knowing and having what they had was enough. 

He could only hope Roy felt the same.


End file.
